Have you ever caught yourself spiraling in thought and wondered, “Why is my brain like this?” One minute you’re just trying to go about your day, and the next you’re flooded with worries, what-ifs, or stories that feel way more dramatic than the situation calls for.
Our brains are incredible. But most of us were never taught how they actually work—or why they so often seem to stir up fear, fixate on patterns, or reinforce the very beliefs we’re trying to outgrow. When you start to understand what your brain is doing (and why), it changes everything. You stop reacting from auto-pilot and start leading from awareness.
Let’s unpack two truths I’ve found transformative when it comes to the brain: First, you are not your brain. And second, your brain will look for confirmation of whatever you already believe. When you recognize both of these tendencies, you can start partnering with your mind more intentionally, rather than being led by it.
You Are Not Your Brain
Your brain’s primary job is to keep you alive. That means it’s constantly scanning for threats and offering solutions—whether those solutions are helpful or not. If you’re feeling anxious or unsafe, your brain may start tossing out rapid-fire thoughts in an effort to bring you back to stability. But often, those thoughts are fear-based, outdated, or just plain untrue.
There’s something powerful about realizing that the thoughts running through your mind are not you. We tend to identify so deeply with our mental chatter that it can feel like truth. But your brain—remarkable as it is—is an organ. It supports you, but it isn’t you. It’s there to help you survive, not necessarily to guide you to peace or clarity.
One simple but powerful tool that helps create space between you and your thoughts is to name your brain. I first heard this concept from Mo Gawdat, a former Google X executive and author of Solve for Happy. He named his brain as a reminder that it wasn’t him—it was a well-meaning assistant trying to protect him. That clicked for me in a big way, and I decided my brain’s name was Betty.
So now, when I feel myself spiraling, I might say, “Thank you, Betty. I know you’re trying to help, but what would actually be most helpful right now is quiet.” That moment of pause—of recognition—shifts the power dynamic. I remember I’m the one in charge. I’ve also found that Betty takes instruction surprisingly well. When I acknowledge her and ask her to stop rehashing or over-analyzing, she actually does! Several of my friends have also successfully adopted this practice too.
This is especially helpful in moments of emotional intensity. When your brain starts throwing out stories or worst-case scenarios, it’s not trying to sabotage you—it’s doing what it was designed to do. But if you take it at face value, you’ll find yourself reacting to fear instead of truth. That’s where it becomes crucial to shift your focus by elevating your thought and re-centering in something deeper than the mental noise. And once you understand your brain’s role and rhythm, you can stop treating it like the boss of your inner world.
Your Brain Filters for What You Already Believe
Here’s the second important truth: your brain is constantly filtering reality through the lens of what you already believe. This is thanks in part to something called the Reticular Activating System (RAS)—a part of your brainstem that helps you prioritize relevant information. If you’ve ever bought a new car and suddenly started seeing that model everywhere, you’ve experienced this firsthand.
The same thing happens with beliefs. If you believe people are generally unkind, your brain will highlight every rude encounter and breeze past every moment of warmth or generosity. This phenomenon—often referred to as the Pygmalion effect (self-fulfilling prophecy)—means that what you expect, you tend to see. And what you see, you tend to respond to. Before long, you’ve built a self-reinforcing loop that feels like reality, even if it started with a faulty assumption.
That’s why it’s so important to bring awareness to the stories you tell yourself. Your brain is eager to back them up. And if those stories are rooted in pain or fear (a negative polarity perspective), you may be living inside a narrative that’s quietly sabotaging you. The good news is that you can shift this at any time—and your reality will begin to realign with your new perspective.
Shifting your perspective doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means recognizing that your focus shapes your experience—and that you have the power to choose where that focus goes. Even in moments of challenge or ambiguity, you can reframe the meaning you assign to what’s happening. That simple shift in interpretation often leads to a shift in emotional reality, because your brain will start working to find evidence for the new belief instead.
And that matters. Because whether you’re expecting the worst or the best, your expectations shape what you find.
Actionable Insights
Choose what you focus on. Your brain will follow your focus. What are you making room for with your attention? What would happen if you made a conscious shift?
Name your brain. Give your brain a name to create compassionate distance from your thoughts. This simple act can help you pause, redirect, and respond with greater clarity when your mind starts spinning.
Question your filters. Notice what kinds of beliefs your brain is collecting evidence for. Are those beliefs rooted in truth—or in old wounds or fear-based assumptions?
Interrupt the narrative. When you catch yourself spiraling, gently interrupt the pattern. Speak directly to your brain like you would to a concerned friend: “Thanks for trying to help—but I’m safe right now.”
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