Life has a way of presenting us with challenges that demand our attention. When someone hurts us or circumstances feel unfair, our natural instinct is often to focus on the external—trying to understand why something happened or attempting to control outcomes that lie beyond our influence. But what if, in doing so, we’re unintentionally giving our power away?
Recognizing the Trap of Fixation
To borrow a popular metaphor, imagine being bitten by a snake, and instead of tending to the wound, you spend all your energy chasing the snake, desperate to prove you didn’t deserve to be bitten. In doing so, you neglect the poison that needs your care. This metaphor captures a dynamic I’ve come to think of as “chasing the straw man.”
The straw man represents anything we fixate on that we can’t control (things outside our sphere of influence)—someone’s motivations, their actions, or even external events. These are distractions that lure us away from the one thing we can influence: ourselves. By focusing on the straw man, we lose sight of what truly matters—our healing, growth, and response to the situation.
Releasing What You Can’t Control
Releasing the straw man is about reclaiming our power. It’s a reminder that healthy boundaries are not just physical or emotional limits we set with others, but also internal boundaries that guide where we allow our energy to flow. When we learn to identify what lies within our sphere of influence, we stop wasting our precious time and energy on the futile and start investing it in the meaningful.
At its core, this is an act of self-love and sovereignty. It’s about choosing alignment over fixation, healing over reactivity, and growth over stagnation. While it’s natural to feel the pull to “chase the snake,” we have the power to pause, reflect, and choose differently.
In choosing to release the straw man, you create space for freedom, empowerment, and peace. It’s not always easy to shift your focus inward, but it’s a profound act of self-care that honors your worth and strengthens your boundaries.
Actionable Insights
- Pause and assess your sphere of influence. When faced with a challenging situation, ask yourself: What can I control here? and Is this worth my energy? Redirect your focus to the aspects of the situation that are within your influence, like your emotions, reactions, and next steps.
- Set internal boundaries with your thoughts. Just as you set boundaries with others, you can create boundaries with your own mind. Notice when you’re fixating on the “straw man,” and gently redirect your thoughts back to yourself: How can I tend to my own needs right now?
- Reclaim your energy through intentional action. Instead of chasing external validation or understanding, focus on actions that nourish and empower you. Whether it’s journaling, meditating, or seeking support from someone you trust, prioritize practices that support your healing and growth.
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