So often we tell ourselves that our emotional state is justified: “They upset me.” “This circumstance ruined my day.” But the truth is, you—and only you—are responsible for the energy you bring. That doesn’t mean denying your emotions or pretending you’re fine when you’re not. It means taking ownership of what you’re carrying and how you’re directing it. True empowered communication begins when you stop outsourcing your energy and start claiming it.
If you find yourself venting or spiraling and pushing that energy outward, ask yourself—“am I inviting connection or just dumping toxicity?” Owning your energy may mean doing some shadow work—inner healing and exploration of the parts of you that carry pain or reactive patterns. It may mean pausing to check in and ask for support instead of unconsciously unleashing your stress on someone else. Even just saying, “I’m in a low place—do you have the capacity to hold space for me right now?” can completely shift the dynamic.
Owning your energy doesn’t require perfection. It simply requires presence and intention.
Don’t Mirror—Choose
Another layer of owning your energy is noticing when you’re mirroring someone else’s. When another person shows up with intensity—whether anger, anxiety, or fear—it’s easy to unconsciously match their frequency. This isn’t the same as intentionally matching tone for connection. Mirroring is instinctual. It happens before you’ve even realized it.
That’s why grounding yourself is so important. When you’re centered, you can respond instead of react. You can choose not to engage in the same frequency. You can shift the tone with a calm presence or loving boundary: “You clearly have some strong energy around this. I’d be happy to unpack it with you, if you want to.” Or, “I care about you, but I’m not in a place to receive this right now.”
This is why grounding is key.
When you stay grounded and present, you can choose whether or not to mirror what’s happening in front of you. If someone is anxious, angry, or scared, you can hold steady rather than escalating. You might even help transmute their energy—to shift it into something lighter or more constructive—by simply responding from a calmer, more centered place.
But it’s also okay to opt out. You are not responsible for doing someone else’s emotional work. If someone is using you as a receptacle for their unprocessed pain and isn’t open to transformation, it’s okay to lovingly disengage. You can honor their free will to feel what they feel without sacrificing your own peace.
The Tuning Fork Analogy
One of my favorite visuals for this concept is the image of two tuning forks. If both forks are tuned to the same frequency and you strike one, the other will begin to vibrate in resonance. That’s a picture of mirroring energy. If someone is in fear and you also have unprocessed fear within you, their energy may activate yours—and suddenly, you’re both amplifying it together (which is not what you want to do!).
But when you become aware of what’s happening, you can choose not to engage. That doesn’t mean judging yourself for being reactive; it means noticing the reaction, honoring it, and stepping back into conscious alignment with who you want to be.
That is the heart of empowered communication: choosing your energy with intention.
Actionable Insights
- Check in before you check out. Before entering a conversation, pause and ask yourself: What energy am I bringing into this space? Is this the tone I want to contribute to the interaction?
- Ground before you mirror. When someone’s energy feels big or intense, take a moment to breathe and root yourself. Ask: Am I matching this frequency by choice, or am I unconsciously mirroring it?
- Hold your center. Practice responses that honor your peace while acknowledging the other person’s experience. “It sounds like you’re carrying a lot. Do you want to process or just vent right now?” or “I’m not in a place to receive this at the moment, but I care about you.”
- Redirect or release. If someone is dumping on you without willingness to shift, lovingly opt out. You can say, “I’m not available for this right now,” or simply shift the energy by disengaging without guilt.
You Are Responsible for the Energy You Bring is number 1 of the 13 Shifts for Empowered Communication.
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