Have you ever caught yourself replaying a conversation in your head, certain you know what someone else was thinking? Sometimes, we create entire narratives around a single interaction—stories of judgment or criticism—without realizing how much of it is shaped by our own fears or insecurities. I have often caught myself doing exactly that. I’ve imagined someone thinking the worst of me, only to realize later that it wasn’t their thoughts or actions impacting me. It was my own story—a story born of assumptions and past wounds.
The stories we tell ourselves can impact our relationships, our confidence, and even our sense of peace. The good news is that we can shift these narratives, exploring what it means to assume positive intent and choose a kinder lens.
Breaking the Cycle of Assumptions
Our minds have a knack for filling in blanks with assumptions, often rooted in our fears or past experiences. These stories color how we see others and ourselves, and it’s easy to forget that these narratives aren’t necessarily true. We might interpret a friend’s silence as criticism or a coworker’s expression as judgment. But more often than not, these are stories of our own making. Understanding this habit helps us step back and question our assumptions, giving us the chance to rewrite these narratives before they become self-fulfilling.
Recognizing when we’re projecting our fears or judgments onto others is a key step in reframing our internal stories. One way to practice this is by asking ourselves questions like, “What are the actual details about this situation and where are the gaps in information?” or “Is this a fact or a fear?” These moments of self-reflection can disrupt the cycle of judgment and self-criticism and lead to more compassionate interpretations both towards yourself and others. By choosing to approach situations from a place of kindness, we not only see everyone in a gentler light but also release ourselves from the weight of judgment.
When we assume positive intent, we are choosing to believe that we are missing information, and we are withholding judgment as a result. This shift can completely transform how we relate to others. Instead of letting negative assumptions drive our interpretations, we begin to see interactions as opportunities for understanding and connection. This doesn’t mean ignoring harmful behavior (because I strongly support healthy boundaries), but rather approaching situations with openness and curiosity instead of jumping to conclusions.
Choosing Understanding and Connection
Learning to recognize and rewrite our internal stories is powerful because it puts us back in control of our experience. The narratives we create can either uplift us or pull us down, shaping how we feel about ourselves and our relationships. When we choose to assume positive intent, we give ourselves—and others—the benefit of the doubt, which leads to greater empathy and healthier connections. Letting go of assumptions and choosing a kinder story doesn’t just change how we see others; it changes how we see ourselves. We become more confident, peaceful, and resilient.
The stories we tell ourselves are just that—stories. They’re not set in stone. By questioning our assumptions and choosing to assume the best in others, we open the door to new possibilities, creating room for growth, understanding, and compassion. Rewriting these narratives can transform our lives in ways we may not expect, leading to deeper peace within ourselves and more fulfilling relationships with those around us.
Actionable Insights
- Question Your Assumptions. The next time a negative thought about someone arises, pause and ask, “Is this my own projection or is this fact?” This simple check-in can reveal underlying fears or insecurities that might be influencing your story.
- Choose Kindness First. Practice assuming positive intent as your default setting. By choosing to believe that others mean well, you open yourself to understanding rather than judgment.
- Reframe to Empower. Notice how you describe yourself in challenging situations. Replace self-critical thoughts with empowering ones, like “I am learning,” or “I am doing my best.”
- Release Judgments. Reflect on how you might unconsciously assign judgments to others, then practice letting go. This can be a powerful exercise in forgiveness, both for yourself and those around you.
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